35.

Despite all suggestions to the contrary (I'm talking to you, T) - I am now in my MID-thirties, or entering my thirty-sixth year, as my Grandpa would say.

I think one of the birthday traditions I look forward to most (besides eating a disgusting amount of "cheap white" birthday cake) is receiving my annual birthday poem from my dear friend, D. And yesterday, without fail,  she delivered what I think is by far her best poem yet. Without further ado...

Oh Dear, oh dear the day is here,

Time to rejoice by consuming large quantities of beer.

You have successfully made it to age thirty-five,

Well, successfully may be a stretch but at least you're alive.

I can't seem to find a nice thing to say, cause thirty-five sucks rocks,

Good thing they cancelled the census - now you don't have to check the much older age box.

Things are saggy, droopy and the word perky no longer applies,

You're fricken old sister if any one says different it's all LIES LIES LIES.

I love you, D. You made my day. xo

eta.

Make that THREE leashes Gus has destroyed.

Sigh.

gus vs. stuff.

This is my boy Gus.

Cute, eh?

You know what's not cute? When Gus eats things that are outside this list:

• dog food
• dog treats
• bones
• sticks he finds outside
• snow
• grass (on occasion)

It's a short list, and one that I'm pretty strict about. But despite my best efforts, Gus has managed to create his own list of things he's eaten or maimed beyond all recognition:

Gus' List O' Destruction

• 2 pairs of underwear
• 1 pair of flip flops (not mine - ha!)
• 2 pairs of shoes (also not mine - ha!)
• 2 books: The Joy of Cooking (meh) and the Larousse French/English Dictionary (being a wurd nerd, I'm a bit offended by this sacrilege, but seeing as how he's not touched any books since, I'm chalking it up to an isolated incident)
• corners of things (curtains, throw pillows, the wall trim in the bathroom)
• 2 leashes
• 1 Curious George stuffed toy (poor George's demise was long and drawn out: first, one ear, then the other, then an eye and then came the disembowelment... I rescued George from further torture at that point and sent him to the big toy box in the sky.)

Then there's a sub-list that details the "people food" he's successfully obtained and snarfed:

Illegal Food Stuffs

• 1 lb. of butter
• a half-dozen taco shells
• a half-dozen cheesy bread sticks (same night as the taco shells)
• miscellaneous candy

Apart from the people food - which bothers me only to the extent that he could have gotten really sick - the only items on the list that really stick in my craw are the underwear (they're expensive!) and the leashes (also expensive, but why would a dog destroy the very tool that his owner uses to do his favourite activity?)

At the end of the day, I can't really blame Gus for destroying any of these things. Keeping him sufficiently distracted and constant vigilance are key. I'd like to think that I've been very vigilant with him- in fact, many of the items listed above were not eaten/destroyed on my watch. The problem is that despite his size and complete lack of grace, Gus is a stealth bomber when it comes to doing things he's not supposed to. Half the time I don't discover that he's even done anything wrong until well after he's committed the act, simply because he's sneaky and really neat about it. I swear he knows how to put things back to seeming order after he's pilfered whatever it is that's captured his interest.

I'm sure this is not the end of the list by any means. I suspect that Gus will doggedly (har!) continue to expand his list with new and obscure items at every opportunity. I only hope that he outgrows his underwear fetish!

redux.

[ri-duhks]; adjective; brought back; resurgent.

Um, so... yeah. I'm going to try this blog thing again. I've been thinking about it forever and now that life is a bit more sane it seemed to me as good a time as any to try.

I see that my last post was almost a year and a half ago. Oops. My bad. Instead of apologizing to my whopping audience of 5 people who no doubt "un-followed" me ages ago (come back!), I figured I'd just  do a "Coles Notes" review. What have I been up to in the last 17 months, you ask?

Let's see... in no particular order:

• changed jobs (again)
• traveled to the Mayan Riviera and made countless other smaller trips to such exotic locales as Montreal, Canterbury (NH), Syracuse (NY), etc.
• got my nosed pierced (finally!)
• moved TWICE and bought a house
• adopted an enormous dog

Throw a couple of status changes in there and that about sums it up. So, yeah, I've been a bit busy. ; )

Anyhow, I'm not entirely sure what direction I'll take this blog o' mine in, or how often I shall post, but I'm guessing it'll continue to be random on both counts. Coz that's just how I roll...

a propos.

My new t-shirt. :)

home stretch.

This year for Lent, I decided to give up something very dear to me, and that something is candy. Those who know me well know that I LOVE candy. Some might even call it an addiction. I call it proof that God loves me and wants me to be happy (ok, so I stole that last bit from beer, but whatev.) Nerds Ropes have gotten me through some very dark times - seriously. I wouldn't be surprised to find I am singlehandedly keeping Willy Wonka in business. Hmm, I wonder if they are publicly-traded? I should really look into that...

N.B. I should mention that chocolate was not included as part of my Lenten promise. I think it's pretty obvious to any candy connoiseur worth his/her salt (or sugar - ha!) that chocolate is NOT CANDY. It's its own food group all together. End of discussion.

So, back to Lent: I've been SO GOOD that I haven't even indulged on Sundays (Sundays don't count in Lent - I love loopholes!) I'd like to take a moment to point out that B's Lenten promise (not snoozing the alarm) lasted about two days. No flack from me, though - he picked a feat that would be humanly impossible for me to accomplish. Anyhow, Easter is almost upon us, and I am looking forward to my joyful reunion with candy. I'll keep you posted on the results...

UPDATE: I made it! Woot! Six weeks candy-free! I'm pretty proud of myself because I have absolutely zero self-discipline most of the time. Maybe next year I should give up not exercising regularly... Ha! Let's not kid ourselves: I love assal horizontology WAY too much. Today, I'm just going to bask in the small victories. How I've missed you, candy!

beware the ides of march.

I just got a little note from M, Pele's first momma, to say that today is Pele's birthday. He's 11 years old today. This is pretty much how Pele spent his birthday. In celebration, I'm going to give him a special birthday treat - 1/2 a can of wet food. Gag.

Happy Birthday, Pele!