Thursday, February 21, 2008

this better get me a first class ticket to heaven

Two weeks ago, B was away for a few days whooping it up in Whistler with the boys while I was slaving away in Winterpeg on Very Important Business. Upon his return, we met up to exchange the usual "I missed yous" and "Wished you were theres" before de-briefing eachother on what we'd been up to.

Somehow, we got onto the topic of Lent (I think it had something to do with the fact that we missed the opportunity to have pancakes for dinner for Shrove Tuesday, which had been the week before.) Anyhow, and I was telling him that my friend K had decided to give up pop (a BIG DEAL for her) and that I'd decided to give up something, too. Like french fries and maybe even chocolate. B then tells me that he's been thinking about giving something up for Lent as well.

Our conversation went something like this:

B: Actually, I've been thinking a lot about that, too, and I've decided to give something up, but I'm not sure how you're going to feel about it.

Me: Really? (Smiling nervously and thinking that it'd better not be what I think it might be.)

B: Yeah, so, I've been thinking that we should give up sex for Lent. (Notice here that he said "we", when what it clearly meant was "I decided for the both of us without consulting you and I'm hoping that you won't realize this." I did, by the way.)

Me: (Still smiling, my face slowly flushing red while desperately trying to maintain a calm composure.)

B: I can see that you're not happy about this. Let me explain my reasoning...

It's here that B goes into a long and obviously well-thought out diatribe about how abstaining would actually strengthen our relationship and give us a chance to grow on all levels besides physically (which we already know we're good at - ha!), etc, etc. In his defence, it was a pretty convincing argument and I've been in enough dysfunctional relationships to be open to try things - even the highly unconventional - in order to ensure the success of our newly-blossoming one. So, I (gulp) agreed to try it, but ONLY if we did indeed actively work on the other stuff.

All I can say is that if I make it through Lent without dying from withrawal or being held in jail on molestation or indecent exposure charges, I will be surprised. And, at the very least, I think I should get this t-shirt:

The next day, I rather triumphantly reported to him that Lent excludes Sundays, so we didn't in fact have to go completely cold turkey. (And who are we to go against God?) B agreed that this was a fair concession (I think he was already starting to realize the ramifications of his bright idea).


Saturday, February 16th: So, we made it through the first week of Lent completely intact and neither of us the worse for wear (thank you, Jesus, for the miracle that is my Silver Bullet!) B came over for a relaxing night of dinner cooked by me, movies, and lounging, as B was still fighting a nasty cold and needed to keep things on the DL. Dinner was good and we had a really nice conversation while enjoying our meal. At this point, I was beginning to concede that perhaps this Lent thing may not be so bad after all and that just maybe the boy knew what he was talking about.
Before we settled in to to watch our movie, B suggested we take a walk over to Starbucks for some hot chocolate and fresh air. On our way out, B says:

B: So, I was thinking some more about the Lent thing ...

Me: Uh-huh. (Not again! He's really gotta stop this thinking thing - it's seriously cramping my style!)

B: (Smiling either sheepishly or devilishly - I couldn't tell which.) Well, you know how in the House of Commons they sometimes make declarations to adjourn early? Well, I was thinking that we could declare it officially Sunday at 10 pm tonight...

Me: (With the enthusiasm of an auctioneer) SOLD!

And so, henceforth Sundays during Lent shall begin at 10 pm Saturday.

And that, my friends, is how we compromise and still get what we want without being a bad Christian.

One thing, though. Remember when I said I was going to give up fries and chocolate for Lent? Well, that's off the table! A girl's gotta have SOME vices!


Wednesday, February 20, 2008

happiness by force

So, I've been having a really rough time at work since, oh, JULY and today I seem to be having a particularly hard time coping. My workload is insane, my boss in constantly in my backyard and I've had it. Up. To. Here. (That, and it's the week before thattimeofthemonth and I always seem to feel a little more off kilter than usual right around then.)

Anyhow, I've been exchanging e-mails with B today and I've been ranting about the state of things and making idle threats about quitting, jumping off bridges, et cetera. I was feeling particularly low this morning and mentioned that I was having a hard time not bursting into tears.

This was his response:
(I removed our names for anonymity's sake, but trust that it really does rhyme.)

An ode to a quasi-tearful L

Never fear, dear L
There is no need to fret
For here comes some happiness
From the big bear, that is B
he's here to make you happy
to make you smile with conviction
and if you happen to be testy
he'll put you in a submission.

It made all the difference. :)